Tour’s Books Blog

May 22, 2009

Editors Needed or Simply Irresistible Homophones

Filed under: General — toursbooks @ 7:19 pm
Tags: , ,

Have you ever read a sentence where a word was missing or a homophone was used that totally changed the meaning of the sentence?  I see this quite often lately in print and not just on blogs, but in published material that has, supposedly at least, been professionally edited and proofed.

Here’s an irresistible example from a werewolf menage story, Hunger of the Wolf by Madelaine Montague:

“Once I mark her, she’ll be living here with us—no way in hell am I going to take any chances with her. That’ll give everybody plenty of opportunities for seduction. I’m thinking she’s a warm hearted little sole. If you run out of other options, try for pity sex.”

This is the lusty story of 4 werewolves that defy the rules of the pack and fall in love with a cold fish with a warm heart.  Will the searing heat of passion turn this little sole into an angelfish?

I swear, this is more fun than stories themselves at time.  Here’s another example from the same author in a different werewolf menage Call of the Wolf,  – also courtesy of New Concepts Publishing where there’s a real problem with homophones:

Amused by the woman, liking her, Abby see-sawed toward comfort but there was no maintaining her composer.

Abby’s feral composer slips his leash and attacks an innocent woman!  Will the werewolves blame Abby for keeping a dangerous composer without a muzzle or will the sour notes ruin the budding romance?

I’m not counting all the ‘missing word’ phrases where you mentally insert what is obviously lost forever.  I don’t blame the writers as much as the editors and proofreaders.  Surely, editors are paid to catch this kind of thing. I’m not really singling out New Concepts, though I have seen that damned ‘sole’ error in multiple books. Some years back, during the Mutant Lizard Wars started on Trip Advisor and ending on Blogspot, we created a character, James Browntrout – The Godfather of Sole.  We had him traveling from town to town giving concerts in a 50 gallon tank truck.  Each time I see the word used where ‘soul’ was intended, I experience flashbacks to one of the blog entries about a troll that was giving us trouble – at the time named Mrs. Bunches……………………………………………………….

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When I woke from a narcoleptic attack I found the following on my computer. I’m not sure what it means, but it seemed important so I’m posting it here

“Testing…..testing…..is this thing working, Klatu?”

“I see letters on the screen sir.”

“PEOPLE OF EARTH..”

“No. No sir, you shouldn’t use all upper case letters, it’s like shouting.”

“You’re sure of that Klatu?”

“Yes sir. I found it over in the corner of the brain with OS for this body.”

“Very well. I expect a local would know the planet’s customs. Ahem, People of Earth, we come in peace. I am Gort of the Orion Nebula Über Enforcement Agency. We have heard of THE BLOG. We request that you cease and desist portraying lizards and geckos and Mrs. Bunches ……….. What is that racket? I can’t make this body type with all that noise!”

“It’s a groundhog sir,” said Klatu with some reluctance.

“Groundhog?????? What is a groundhog doing in a human brain?” Gort sounded completely baffled.

“It says it’s General Tourmaline Groundhog of the Resistance Forces.”

“This is a human body we have here, isn’t it Klatu? And we put the human’s mind to sleep and it doesn’t know we’re here. So how can a GROUNDHOG KNOW WE’RE HERE!”

“You’re shouting, sir.”

“I KNOW I’M SHOUTING!!! WHAT IS A …….isn’t that THE groundhog? The one in THE BLOG? Quick – capture the groundhog and we can leave this intellectual void!”, he said looking around at the vast space.

“Sir, we can’t capture a virtual groundhog. It is a figment of this body’s imagination. And besides, it already gave something to Barrada and he’s asleep, as is Nikkto,” Klatu said with some reluctance.

“How is that possible? How could a groundhog know how…..Klatu? Are you there Klatu? It’s getting dark in here.” Gort said with a tremor in his thoughts.

“Hello Gort,” came a little voice. “Did you think I’d let you get away with stopping THE BLOG?”

“Oh, um, greeting from the Orion Nebula.”

“I know where you really came from, Gort. Bunchy sent you. It won’t work. Time for you to leave. Gort, Klatu, Barrada, Nikkto – KARINGA!”

“Noooooooooooooo………..” he cried, as they faded away.

“Nice try Bunchy.”

Tour walks off calling back, “The Earth didn’t really stand still!”

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See what happens when the groundhog has a flashback?  The Mutant Lizard Blog was fun, but very strange.  And it was the home of James Browntrout.  And here you thought all I did was read!

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